Can we really choose our words carefully when emotions run high?

We’ve all been there. A conversation turns sharp, someone says something that hits a tender spot, and suddenly—before we even realize it—we’ve said or done something we didn’t mean. Later, we sit with regret, asking ourselves, “Why did I react like that?”

The truth is, when something challenges us emotionally, our nervous system often jumps into defense mode. Our brain detects a threat—not a physical one, but an emotional one—and our instinct is to protect ourselves. That’s when emotions can take the wheel, leaving reason and reflection behind.

In psychology, we know this pattern well. Emotional reactivity is often a learned survival response. But the good news? We can unlearn it. We can practice pausing. We can train ourselves to notice the moment before the reaction—and gently choose a different response.

I’ve found that one of the most powerful tools we have in those heated moments is our breath. It sounds simple, maybe even too simple—but it's surprisingly effective.

Let me share a breathing technique that helps us stay grounded when emotions feel overwhelming. It’s called Box Breathing (also known as four-square breathing), and it's used by therapists, athletes, and even people in high-stress professions like the military.

Here’s how it works:

1. Inhale for 4 counts (1…2…3…4)

2. Hold the breath for 4 counts

3. Exhale for 4 counts

4. Hold again for 4 counts
   Repeat this cycle 4 to 6 times.

What this does is calm the nervous system, slow the heart rate, and shift us from reacting to reflecting. It gives us just enough space to observe what we’re feeling before we speak or act. And in that space, we reclaim our choice.

I try to use this practice whenever I notice a strong emotion bubbling up. At first, it was hard. I still catch myself reacting impulsively sometimes—I'm human. But over time, I've learned that the pause, the breath, the moment of stillness, can make all the difference.

We don’t need to be ruled by our emotions. We can listen to them, understand what they’re trying to tell us, and still choose a response that aligns with who we want to be.

Start practicing, and you'll notice the difference in living a more peaceful life.