I used to think that being hard on myself was the only way to improve. That if I wasn’t constantly pointing out my flaws, I’d never grow. But the truth? Self-criticism didn’t make me better—it made me smaller. It led to overthinking, self-sabotage, and this constant feeling that I wasn’t enough.
The worst part? I didn’t even notice I was doing it. It became my default. A tiny mistake? “Ugh, why am I like this?” A missed opportunity? “Of course, I messed it up.” I was treating myself in a way I would never treat a friend.
And the more I did it, the more I disconnected from who I really was. Because self-criticism isn’t just about negative thoughts—it’s the opposite of self-love, as it leads you to reject the beauty in yourself. It creates a version of yourself that feels unworthy, even when deep down, you’re not.
So, how do we change this?
Here are two things that helped me start breaking free from that cycle:
1. Catch yourself and replace criticism with kindness
Pay attention to those automatic, harsh thoughts. When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause.
Ask yourself: Would I say this to someone I love? If not, you don’t need to say it to yourself either.
Start replacing those thoughts with something gentler:
Instead of:
“I’m so bad at this.”
Try:
“I’m learning, and that’s okay.”
Instead of:
“I’ll never be good enough.”
Try:
“I am enough, just as I am.”
At first, it may feel forced or uncomfortable. But with time, your brain begins to rewire.
You start speaking to yourself in a new language—one that makes you feel safe and seen.
2. Try the mirror exercise
This one felt awkward at first, but it works.
Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say something kind to yourself, expressing love for who you are. Not just nice, but genuinely kind. Something you need to hear.
Here are some examples:
“I see you. You’re doing your best.”
“You deserve love, even when you struggle.”
“You are more than your mistakes.”
“I appreciate your efforts.”
At first, it might feel weird, and you might even want to avoid it. But the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. The more you do it, the more you’ll feel love echoing from your own heart back toward yourself. And one day, you’ll say those words and actually believe, feel them.
Final Thought
You don’t have to tear yourself apart to grow. In fact, the more you love yourself, the easier growth becomes. Imagine what would happen if, instead of being your own worst critic, you became your own biggest supporter. That’s the shift that changes everything, the emotional journey from self-criticism to self-compassion.
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